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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24883450">rainbows and unicorns</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/okapi/pseuds/okapi'>okapi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Aziraphale Has a Vulva (Good Omens), Aziraphale puts himself in charge of Crowley's reproductive education, Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Crowley's Name is Crawly | Crawley (Good Omens), First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Noah's Ark, Other, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Unicorn spit as lube, Unicorns, Vaginal Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:27:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24883450</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/okapi/pseuds/okapi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Their first time is on Noah's Ark.</p><p>Angst. Hurt/Comfort. Crawly/Aziraphale.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>147</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Season of Kink</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>rainbows and unicorns</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For my Season of Kink Bingo O-1 'First time.'</p><p>It seems (to me!) in the Ark scene that Crawly doesn't really understand why one unicorn isn't going to work, and Aziraphale sort of seems like he's not buying the company line about the Flood and the rainbow.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The coarse-haired brush in Aziraphale’s hand halted at the sudden noise, which seemed to come in two cascading waves. The first wave was an eruption of pure alarm, fright or fight according to the temperaments of each stall’s occupants, but alarm quickly gave way to confusion, uncertainty, and what sounded like befuddlement.</p><p>Whatever it was, the passengers of Tier 3 did not know quite what to make of it.</p><p>As the noise made its way to the last stall on the right, Aziraphale got to his feet and instinctively stepped in front of the unicorn. The unicorn, for its part, rose to its hooves and instinctively bowed its head, pointing the tip of its sharp horn at the as-yet-unknown-but-evidently-approaching menace.</p><p>“Oh, it’s all right,” said Aziraphale, relaxing his stance and dropping the brush he’d been prepared to brandish like a flaming sword. “It’s just Crawly.”</p><p>At once, the nature of the commotion was understandable. So ominous and wily a snake making its serpentine way down the centre corridor was bound to raise the hackles of the animals in the stalls.</p><p>However, said snake was also, and most improbably, balancing an enormous bunch of plump purple grapes on its thin back. And that was a sight odd enough to make any member of the animal kingdom sit up and wonder just how one went about ordering room service on this Ark.</p>
<hr/><p>“Thank you, Crawly.”</p><p>Aziraphale lifted the grapes from Crawly’s back as the demon morphed into a man-shaped form.</p><p>Aziraphale plucked one of the grapes and offered it to the unicorn, who took it from Aziraphale’s palm, nibbling eagerly but daintily, with lips pulled back and gums exposed.</p><p>Aziraphale took a grape for himself.</p><p>“What are you doing here, Crawly?”</p><p>“The same as you. Waiting out the flood. It turns out, with all that ‘bruising head, bruising heel’ stuff, Noah &amp; co don’t keep too careful a manifest of the scaly no-legged. One more, one less, no notice. I suppose we all look the same.” He shrugged and plucked a grape and ate it and declared with mild surprise, “These are good.”</p><p>“They are,” agreed Aziraphale as the three, angel, demon, and unicorn, settled themselves on the sweet-smelling hay. “When I last went on deck all was water, rain and flood. Wherever did you acquire such fruits?”</p><p>“Best not to ask.”</p><p>Aziraphale made a noise and changed the subject. “Technically, I’m on dove duty, but that won’t be for some time.” He leaned forward, dug the brush out of a snarl of hay, and tapped the brush clean.</p><p>Crawly reached behind Aziraphale to offer the unicorn a grape. The corners of his mouth curled in an unlikely smile when the animal politely accepted.</p><p>At first, Aziraphale and Crawly sat in companionable silence, taking turns feeding the unicorn and brushing its mane, but finally, Aziraphale’s dam of unspoken emotion burst.</p><p>“Kids!”</p><p>The brush fell once more into the hay.</p><p>Aziraphale turned into Crawly’s open arms. He sobbed against Crawly’s chest as Crowley twisted a forearm to pet the unicorn, which had inserted itself, from muzzle to forelock, into the tableau.</p><p>Crawly sighed and rubbed closed lips back and forth against the crown of Aziraphale’s cottony hair. The unicorn mimicked the gesture at Aziraphale’s nape.</p><p>Aziraphale choked out something which might have been ‘all drowned,’ but which Crawly, despite being second architect assigned to Babel, could not decipher with any certainty.</p><p>Crawly sighed and raised his eyes to the wooden roof of Tier 3 and all that lay above, beyond plank and cloud and stars, and scowl demonically. He swore, too, silently but with great and ancient force.</p><p>Only <em>She</em> could make an angel cry.</p><p>After a while, Aziraphale sniffed and shamelessly wiped his face on Crawly’s sleeve. Then he drew back and looked into Crawly’s eyes, and Crawly noted the same somber, sorrowful expression on the angel and the unicorn.</p><p>“None of my lot seem to think there’s anything to be sad about.”</p><p>“Yeah, towards the end, out there, with all the rivers rising and the dams breaking, my lot were definitely enjoying themselves, far too much for me.” Crawly grimaced. “I don’t have that great an appreciation for misery soup. It’s not clever. Or interesting.” Crawly’s gaze drifted. He smiled grimly at the unicorn and felt the slight warmth of Aziraphale’s tight smile directed at himself.</p><p>Aziraphale slowly and deliberately disengaged himself from Crawly’s embrace. Then he frowned and plucked moodily at the grapes. He fed a small bunch to the unicorn, who ate them, stem, and all. “I want this one to be as happy as it can be.” He tilted his head towards the unicorn.</p><p>“Of course. ‘All mumble-mumble’s creatures,” said Crawly dolefully. “But why this creature?”</p><p>“Because this one’s is not like the others. It’s the last of its kind.”</p><p>The unicorn bent and carefully twisting his head to avoid goring either angel or demon, nuzzled sweetly at Aziraphale’s neck.</p><p>“How’s that? Last of its kind?”</p><p>“Oh, Crawly,” said Aziraphale. “There’s only one! The rest of them drowned. Just like…” Aziraphale sniffed and took a deep breath. “Just like the kids,” he said with an even tone that Crawly could tell cost him greatly.</p><p>Crawly’s reply was quick and dismissive. “So? It can just make another one.”</p><p>Aziraphale rolled his eyes, then he fixed a hard stare on Crawly’s face. Eventually his expression softened, and he looked thoughtful.</p><p>“Did you attend<em> all</em> of your demonic training session, Crawly?”</p><p>“For Satan’s sake, no! I’m not going to hold up for a short eternity in some stuffy chamber that smells of excrement listening to some toad-headed idiot prattling on about, oh, the Seven Deadly Sins or what have you. I’d rather nap! Or, you know, get a drink. Go for a walk. Not a crawl, a walk. I don’t think, you know, as a name ‘Crawly’ is really working for me. Might try something else…”</p><p>“Oh, dear. You truly don’t know how some animals, like this unicorn, reproduce?”</p><p>“Uh, I imagine it’s something like, you know, one thing or another…”</p><p>“Would you like to know?”</p><p>The question itself didn’t give Crawly pause, after all it was sort of his gig, tempting with knowledge, but Aziraphale’s tone and his expression were odd. The angel was, in that moment, completely unreadable.</p><p>“Well, yeah, I suppose. Might be important. Down the road. Trivia night.” Crawly glanced at the unicorn who was giving him a slightly different expression, and the beast might, just <em>might</em>, have been rolling its eyes and looking pityingly at Crawly.</p><p>Crawly didn’t know what to make of that either.</p><p>Aziraphale took a deep breath and, when he spoke, it was as if to himself, “All right. Let’s Make an Effort.” He dropped his head and closed his eyes for a moment, and Crawly wondered if he was praying, but then the angel raised his eyes and twisted his lips in a fleeting smirk, a smirk that was not without its charm.</p><p>“I will do my best,” announced Aziraphale.</p><p>Once again, Crawly wasn’t certain the angel was talking to <em>him</em>.</p><p>If Crawly were honest with himself, and really why not be honest, he quite liked having shoulders, so he shrugged them twice, and then once more because he could.</p><p>“Yeah, well, I’m certain you will unless, of course, it’s like that flaming sword business. What I mean to say is, don’t strain yourself on my account.”</p><p>“Hold on, Crawly. I am going to kiss you.” Aziraphale looked resolute. “That is, I am going to put my lips to yours.”</p><p>On the surface of it, Crawly thought that sounded like a decent idea, but when Aziraphale had, in fact, put his lips to Crawly’s, his soft, sweet, angelic lips, and began to move them in slow undulations, Crawly reconsidered.</p><p>It was a <em>great</em> idea.</p><p>Crawly had always been Hell’s quickest study, and it was the work of about three minutes for him to learn all of Aziraphale’s kissing techniques and return them, with improvements.</p><p>There rose a warming and a tingling and a wanting in Crawly’s corporal form as Aziraphale melted once more into his arms. They fell together, Crawly backwards into the hay, Aziraphale forwards onto Crawly.</p><p>Technically speaking, they didn’t need to come up for air, but after a few minutes, Aziraphale broke the kiss. His face was pink, his lips bruised.</p><p>“Well…”</p><p>“So that’s all there is to it?”</p><p>“No, that’s preamble. This time I’m going to touch your form while…”</p><p>Crawly didn’t wait for the rest. He reached up and drew Aziraphale to him.</p><p>He hummed approval as the pressure of Aziraphale’s mouth on his became harder, more demanding. He liked the way their tongues met, first tentative and gentle, and then less so. He also liked how Aziraphale moaned when he drew his tongue across the angel’s bottom lip then sucked gently.</p><p>Crawly’s tongue could do a lot of things. He wondered how many of them would make Aziraphale moan.</p><p>But he soon stopped wondering. The warming and tingling continued unabated, but the wanting pooled and hardened between Crawly’s legs. He parted them, and Aziraphale sank deeper into him.</p><p>“All right.”</p><p>Aziraphale curled his arms behind his back and took Crawly’s hands in his. He brought Crawly’s hand underneath his own clothing and settled them on his bare buttocks.</p><p>Crawly kept his hands where Aziraphale had put them, but he raised his head and watched as Aziraphale turned one of his own hand with the palm up.</p><p>At first, Crawly assumed he was about to puff some ethereal magic, but then Aziraphale made a rather ugly noise, but before he could do whatever he was intending to do, the white muzzle inserted itself.</p><p>“Oh, thank you,” said Aziraphale as a clear, slightly vicious substance filled his cupped palm.</p><p>Crawly raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Perhaps you should close your eyes, Crawly.”</p><p>Crawly let his head flop back onto the hay and took the angel’s advice.</p><p>Any reservations Crawly had about unicorn spit died when Aziraphale wrapped his hand around his cockstand. Crawly’s cock went instantly and supernaturally stiff at the first draw of the angel’s fist up his shaft to his cockhead.</p><p>Aziraphale was kissing him, too, and Crawly felt his hands squeeze Aziraphale’s buttocks, seemingly of their own accord.</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Crawly sighed when Aziraphale abandoned his mouth in favour of kissing and biting and licking at Crawly’s neck. Aziraphale’s fist kept moving up and down, up and down, Crawly’s cock. “That’s-s-s good, angel.”</p><p>“How’s this?” Aziraphale removed his own clothing and pulled Crawly’s up to the waist.</p><p>Crawly put his chin to his chest as Aziraphale slowly and deliciously impaled himself on Crawly’s slick cock.</p><p>“That’s-s-s good, too. Wet and tight and hot and damned near perfect, angel.”</p><p>Crawly could not keep from watching. He watched Aziraphale’s thighs, straining to raise and lower his body. He watched his own cock disappear into Aziraphale. He watched Aziraphale’s face as his eyelashes fluttered and his mouth formed a nice round O with each descent.</p><p>“You like it, too, don’t you, angel?”</p><p>One corner of Aziraphale’s mouth twitched, and he nodded shyly. “It’s nice. Sweet, full, delicious, satisfying.”</p><p>“Like grapes-s-s?”</p><p>“Like grapes.” Aziraphale nodded his head. “But, more importantly, if I were a unicorn like me and you were a unicorn like you, then the culmination of this act might result in the creation of new life, new unicorn life, in me.”</p><p>“The culmination?” groaned Crawly. “I’ve got s-s-some vague notions-s-s about that.”</p><p>“Why don’t you,” Aziraphale wriggled and squeezed, and they both gasped, “do what comes naturally?”</p><p>“Naturally as-s-s a unicorn? Or naturally as-s-s a demon?”</p><p>“Naturally as a fallen angel.”</p><p>Oh, that was different.</p><p>Crawly let out a full-throated growl.</p><p>Releasing Aziraphale’s buttocks, he pushed up and with occult strength and dexterity flipped their corporal forms. Aziraphale sank into the hay, and Crawly deftly drew off his own clothing. He then reached out to snap the bunch of grapes in two. He raised half of the bunch in the air.</p><p>“S-s-snack time, pal.”</p><p>The unicorn gave Crawly a single, playful nip at the side of the head. Then it took the split stem of the half-bunch between his teeth and, with grapes swinging, turned its back to them and resettled himself.</p><p>Crawly held the remaining half-bunch of grapes over Aziraphale.</p><p>Aziraphale plucked a large one with his teeth and chewed. Crawly plucked another and held it in his mouth. He dropped the grapes beside Aziraphale and looked down at their joined bodies.</p><p>He slid his cock out of Aziraphale, then pushed in, tentatively at first, and then with increasing speed and force. “Culmination, eh?” With the grape still in Crawly’s mouth, the words came out awkward and jumbled, but it did feel as if he were driving toward something with all his thrusting.</p><p>Aziraphale clenched round Crawly’s cock and dug his fingers into Crawly’s arse in rhythm that Crawly adopted without a second thought.</p><p>“Like that,” Aziraphale said with a smile that on anything slightly less ethereal would’ve been wicked, “just like that. You do have a beautiful cock. And tongue. And body. And…”</p><p>Aziraphale tilted his head and arched his back and opened his mouth, and Crawly just stared, drinking in the sight of the angel.</p><p>His angel.</p><p>“Crawly, oh, yes, please…”</p><p>When Crawly felt close, very, very close to whatever was awaiting him, he crushed the grape between his teeth and crushed his mouth to Aziraphale’s, feeding the angel the juice and pulp and dark, masticated skin as their lower halved bucked together and Crawly’s cock spent for what seemed like a sweet eternity.</p><p>Crawly raised up and studied the angel, who was licking his lips.</p><p>“And that’s how it’s done,” said Aziraphale weakly. “There are other things to increase the pleasure or to do just for pleasure, but as far as unicorns…”</p><p>Crawly considered ‘other things’ but only briefly because Aziraphale’s whole being was quivering to the point of breaking. Not ‘other things’ breaking. ‘Sobbing and weeping’ breaking.</p><p>“Oh, Crawly!” cried Aziraphale as he wrapped his arms round Crawly’s neck and plastered himself to Crawly’s chest, and there was nothing for it but for Crawly to hold him just as tight and inhale the angel’s soft, and now fruit-scented, aroma.</p><p>With time, Crawly managed to feed Aziraphale more grapes and caress his face and kiss his cheek and disentangle their bodies.</p><p>By the time Crawly had found their clothes, the unicorn was snoring quietly in the far corner of the stall.</p><p>“Um, before that,” said Aziraphale, “could you tell me what colour my wings are?”</p><p>Crawly’s jaw dropped as Aziraphale extended his wings, his large white wings.</p><p>“Just as before, angel. White.”</p><p>“Oh, well. Thank you.”</p><p>Aziraphale folded his wings and began to dress.</p><p>“Wait, what should they be, angel?”</p><p>“White, of course.”</p><p>“Then why ask?”</p><p>“No reason.”</p><p>Crawly felt something hard and tight twist in the region of his gut if he’d had a gut. “You thought you would fall because of that!” He pointed to the depression in the hay made by their joined bodies.</p><p>Crawly pressed his lips together, then he said in a cold, dead voice, “Is that why you suggested it?”</p><p>“I’d be helping you in a way, I suppose. I mean, it would be a feather in your cap, wouldn’t it? Tempting an angel to destruction?”</p><p>Crawly felt ill, horribly, horribly ill. “Yeah, I suppose.”</p><p>“But, no, that’s not why I did it. I did it because you can’t be a proper demon if you’re only half-versed in one of your big seven. Sins, that is.”</p><p>“Much obliged.” Crawly didn’t feel much better. “You took a great risk, though.”</p><p>“What risk?” Aziraphale shrugged. “Maybe I’m not meant to be an angel. Maybe my falling is ineff—”</p><p>“Shut up! You’re an angel, and you don’t know what it means to fall! You wouldn’t like it. I know you wouldn’t.”</p><p>But part of Crawly, the pale ugly underbelly of the demon, whispered it wasn’t completely true. If Aziraphale were a demon, too, they could probably do what they’d just done all day and all night for millennia and Hell would not care. Why not? Why not tempt him, not to destruction, but to a new life with you? Grapes and rolls in the hay and…</p><p>“…the main reason I did it was because I like you. I like doing that with you. I would like to do it again. Why not? We’ve got forty days and forty nights, give or take.”</p><p>Crawly held Aziraphale’s truthful, sorrowful, lustful gaze.</p><p>It was too much. He couldn’t bear it.</p><p>Crawly swore to himself then and there if he ever got off this damned boat, he would find a way to shield his eyes from the world and everything. Especially angels!</p><p>“I liked it, too, but we can’t do it again, angel.”</p><p>“No matter how much we want to.”</p><p>It was a statement, a sad statement that encapsulated a small, fresh Hell for the demon. Crawly tucked it away for future, professional reasons. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t leave things like that.</p><p>The unicorn, awake and finishing off the last of the grapes, gave him an idea.</p><p>“When we get off this boat, why don’t I take care of it?” Crawly nodded to the unicorn. “Make certain it has a swell time, lots of grapes, lots of adventures, and is never forgotten. My special project. Off the record, of course.”</p><p>Aziraphale glowed as only an angel could.</p><p>“Oh, Crawly! Really? That would be wonderful! Oh, oh!” Aziraphale squealed with delight and clapped his hands together and looked from the unicorn to Crawly and back.</p><p>Forty days and nights later, give or take, all the humans were on top deck looking up at the bow in the clouds.</p><p>Aziraphale felt a tickle at his ankle and the sensation of a smooth-scaled rope ascending his corporal form beneath his clothes. A soft sibilant voice whispered in his ear.</p><p>“S-s-so that’s it. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, hmmm.”</p><p>“Where have you been all this time, Crawly?”</p><p>“With the aardvarks-s-s, cas-s-sting lots-s-s, getting drunk, s-s-sleeping. I like s-s-sleeping. I like rainbows-s-s, too.”</p><p>“Good for you,” said Aziraphale morosely. “Oh, I suppose I shouldn’t say that. You will…?”</p><p>“Yes-s-s, I’ll keep my promis-s-se about the unicorn. And I’ll make one more. Promis-s-se, that is-s-s.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“One day you’ll like rainbows-s-s, angel. One day, maybe a long time from now, we’ll walk arm-in-arm, down the centre of town, and you’ll have a rainbow painted on your bare ars-s-se.”</p><p>“Oh, Crawly,” sighed Aziraphale, hiding his smile, “you are rainbows and unicorns!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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